Welcome to another blog that might give you food for thought! Today, we will understand what causes relationship problems with an example so let’s start with:
A Practical Example To Think About
Tell me if you have ever experienced this:
You were living your life perfectly with your old phone until you see a brand new phone which has everything you would ever want in a phone. You think that you can do anything on that phone and that phone would just be PERFECT for you.
You think that if you can only get that phone, you might not need any other phone for your entire life.
Have you felt this feeling? Not exactly for a phone but let’s say, an iPod, iPhone, Computer, Graphics card, shoes, clothes, internet connectivity, book, gaming pad, play station, etc? For any material thing?
I too have experienced this often particularly with iPhones.
Now, tell me if you have felt this or not:
You got your dream phone or whatever you once wanted too badly from somewhere, and now you have dumped your old phone and are happy with the new one. You think you have got ETERNAL PEACE and you feel happy for around a month.
Then you started noticing things. Maybe you start noticing the fact that your new phone (as per example) is not working fast. Maybe it’s a bit heavy or big. Maybe it’s too loud or its brightness doesn’t get too dim.
Maybe you now started noticing that your new phone is not very good at privacy settings. Maybe your phone lack some features the old one had.
Maybe your phone is draining too much battery or it requires you to do too much for certain small tasks. Maybe it is not lightweight.
Are you missing your old phone now? Does your new phone now look normal to you? Do you still want to purchase another phone that has all the right features you are looking for?
Have you experienced this with the thing you wanted for so long?
There could be anything that you wanted from so long and you got it but then your interest shifted to another upgrade. Think of anything you have ever purchased or tried only because it once fascinated you. Are you still happy with it or you want to change it?
Have you found that thing?
And do ask these questions because they will help you understand why relationship problems arise and that’s what we are trying to learn.
How Perfect Relationship With No Problems Is A Hoax
Let’s put things into perspective.
In the very first paragraph, if the new phone is your crush then the old phone is your current loved one and the problems you found with the new phone (when you got it) were basic issues in the relationship.
To make it easy, replace the word phone with a girlfriend in the first paragraph.
Did you see how the situation of wanting a new relationship is related to the situation of wanting a new phone?
This is how relationships work and relationship problems arise! You just understood how crushes are developed and how sometimes relationships become unfruitful.
My Life Experience And Example
I would want to add my example here for reference so you can understand it better.
The Phone Example:
Around 2 years back, I used a basic phone which looked like this:
I know it is a decent phone. I was just a normal teenager who wanted a cool new phone because “everyone uses a cool phone.”
So, then I saw my mom buying a new phone better than anyone’s phone in our house. We were all jealous and all I wanted back then was that phone.
I thought multiple times that if only I could get that phone, I will be able to work more easily, start reading PDF, install multiple apps, play high-en games, and whatnot.
I wanted that phone badly and I used to think that if I will get this phone, I won’t need any new phone.
Fast forward 1 year and I, after crying for 3 months, finally got my phone. The new phone was this:
I was so happy to get this I installed apps, I took care of it, polished it, didn’t sleep with it. I was a gentleman with my phone.
Then came the game-changer. I noticed that my phone was a bit heavy. It worked slow on certain occasions, I faced battery issues and it was not as stylish as I thought it was. I found more than 20 problems on this phone.
This made me realize that everything comes with a problem.
The Girlfriend Example:
This happened in my hometown 1 year ago. I went there with my mom and she came back but, I was left in my hometown with my relatives.
Since my strict mom was not around, I made a good friendship with a girl there.
This was the time when I just wanted a girlfriend.
She was a sweet, hardworking, and never complaining girl. I used to think that she is everything I need. I could marry her for my entire life and never regret it (at that time).
Our friendship continued for a few months when my mom came and took me to my city. I was broken from inside and just wanted to stay with her but destiny wanted us apart.
Luckily, in one of our last meet, she gave me her phone number so I was very happy to talk to her when I came back to the city.
We talked about what we eat, how are things, what we miss, when will we meet and all that.
Soon enough, I realized that I was running out of things to say and that’s where I guess we both started noticing our relationship problems.
We noticed many problems in our relationship, particularly in each other, so we broke up and never called each other.
Now when I think about the time when I wanted myself to be with her, I feel a little immature but that’s a memory and I like that memory.
These two incidents in my life thought me that what we think is good for us today may not be good for us after some time.
What we think is perfect today may not be perfect tomorrow because sometimes we just don’t have experience or data.
You would have faced a similar incident and it might make sense to you.
Wanting a thing that you think is perfect. Getting it and finally noticing problems in it.
I wanted a phone, got it and noticed problems with it. I wanted a relationship, got it, and noticed relationship problems. I’ve noticed this cycle everywhere in my life
The Teaching I Want You To Convey
Sometimes people want to have a new girlfriend because their current relationship has some problems.
Sometimes these are justifiable (like if your partner drinks a lot) but most times, they are some common ones that could easily be patched (like when they disturb you in your work).
Some people want to get out of their loneliness and want to have love interest just so they can solve their entire life problems and justify their existence in one day.
Just like I wanted before getting my phone and my girlfriend.
What we should focus on, is that there are some problems arise in every relationship and with everything.
You can have the most pretty, hot, intelligent, charming, beautiful, good-looking, loyal, hardworking, talented girlfriend/boyfriend of this entire universe but you will still face relationship problems.
This is also applicable for wanting the BEST phone or anything materialistic in this world. Only that here the problems will not be called relationship problems because… Anyways, here are
What Causes Relationship Problems? 3 Reasons
1. Lack of quality:
Some people are good at the intelligence and some are good-looking. The thing is, one can’t be all. A single person cannot possess all the qualities you want.
We are attracted by the qualities of a person and one person contains tons of qualities. There will surely be at least a few qualities that you don’t like, in every person you meet.
So, even if you are mesmerized now by someone’s quality you wanted, it won’t take too long for you to see how they also possess some qualities you didn’t want.
2. Human Nature:
Humans are very good at pointing towards a problem. I have always found problems with everything. You must have sometimes observed yourself doing that too.
Same as phone, even if you have the best phone, you might still feel like you lack something. This happens with everyone and that’s why most people are unhappy with what they have.
Even if you like your phone now, over time, you will find some problems as you develop your personality.
So, it’s easy for us, after a particular time to notice relationship problems even if our spouse is from another planet and has everything we once wanted.
3. Complex Personality that keeps getting complex:
We are made up of behaviors, characteristics, habits, fears, ideologies, beliefs, tastes, and many other factors that are developed throughout your life.
Humans change their personality due to the circumstances they face. This means that if you suddenly start living like a rich or you suddenly became broke, your personality will change along with your characteristics and preferences.
This is how you learn and start noticing problems that didn’t exist before. Just like when I wasn’t faced with a situation of having a girlfriend, I always wanted one but when I got one, it changed my personality. And I started noticing my relationship problems.
This happens (as I have seen) in most relationships. We want relations, we get it and then we start noticing problems.
Suppose you have a person with all the quality you wanted, what do you think is the possibility that the qualities of that person won’t change or your preferences won’t? Personalities evolve as they face situations. (Refer this article for reference)
I think it won’t be a good decision to say that you like someone/something in any shape or form.
So, think of it again. And think because only then you can exercise your brain.
Haven’t you found issues in everything throughout your life? Haven’t you had a wanting for something better for almost everything? Haven’t we have grown and seen ourselves making really bad decisions in the past?
Issues will arise, fights will occur, problems will come. Instead of always finding a new alternative try dealing with what you have. Try coming in peace with what you currently have.
You have to settle at some point. You can change your gadgets but when it comes to relationships, I am sorry to say but sometimes you have to settle. Obviously, there are limits but when things don’t cross limits and are too small and yet seem too big, you have to settle and learn to deal with it.
You sometimes have to train yourself to deal with the problems. Isn’t is how personalities are evolved?
You can do only two productive things with any problem, accept it, or change it. (read this blog for reference)
All you need to understand is that the relationship you think will be perfect for you and you won’t find anything better than this, is all false.
Relationships work on compatibility. You have some traits and you find people with similar traits. These traits change over time thus giving birth to incompatibility and relationship problems.
Don’t think you won’t find another person like your crush and don’t fool yourself into thinking that you will always be happy if only you could get that relationship or that thing (whatever the case may be).
You would be surprised to see how easy you start finding flaws in other people when you start spending time with them. You can have an amazing relationship but you will first have to drop your unrealistic expectations.
So, be aware. Choose wisely. Think openly. Solve your problems and be a better person.
A lot of this crap relationship beliefs come from mainstream media.
See any TV show and you will find at least one relationship that has this amazing relationship where no one fights.
Or see any ad and people show their product like its the only thing you need to solve your life.
I don’t think there is anything you need except basic necessities. Most of the things you want are your WANTS because people filled them in your brain through marketing.
For relationships, I am not saying relationships like this can’t exist but you have to put a lot to get that relationship. Both parties would have to work on a lot.
Relationships have their ups and downs. Fights, anger, depression, sadness, overwhelm, cringe, etc. but that doesn’t mean relationships are bad.
They just make your good times better.
So, don’t raise your hope for a perfect relationship and don’t fall into the traps of thinking that this relationship will be perfect for me.
If this blog helped you and you learned something our of this blog. Share this advice if you want to.
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